Anonymous Venting for Mental Health and Emotional Support

So basically here’s a short summary

I’m in a relationship with my gf and we’ve been together for about 3 years now and honestly it hasn’t been good. Iv been giving 90% and only ever getting 10% and it’s been like this for the past 3 years almost. Anyways this summer I got a new job and met this new friend and the minute we got together we clicked so fast and idk I kinda started to become physically and emotionally attracted to her. I started to really developed feelings for her and everything. I have to mention this new girl also has a gf. Well the summer ended but they hired me as a staff for another program that this girl is always involved in. So we started this new job again and she was there and we got even closer over the summer. We would text each other and everything and made plans to hang out outside of work and sometimes we would go grocery shopping together. We would text at like 4 am if we couldn’t sleep and just keep each other company. Well 2 weeks ago on Wednesday we had a really heart to heart conversation about life and I basically almost cried and she told me how much she cared about me and everything and then last Friday 2 days later she went cold and just refused to talk to me and it went on for week untill last Friday until I got the courage to speak to her because she’s been ignoring me and when she talks to me she told me how coworkers can’t be friends and how it’s not okay how close we got but I don’t get it I just don’t get it. She’s was friends with all her other coworkers but when it comes to me it’s different. It just hurts so much because I know I’m a shitty person for liking a girl while I’m in a relationship but she meant a lot to me and before she was my friend and I just miss my friend and the person I was able to trust, she told me she called about me and turned on me and I’m just so hurt

so I've had like problems feeling happy or normal and stuff for like 3 years now, and I think I've finally figured out the root of why I feel like I cant let myself feel happy for too long. I have literally no problems, my parents are the sweetest people in the world, I'm avarge enough looking I shouldn't feel as self conscious as I do, and I have a fair amount of friends and I would definitely have more if I wasnt constantly too tired because just existing without feeling sad is exhausting. I put in probbaly about 80% of my energy just to make myself feel normal daily. my friends ALWAYS feel the need to stop by the bathroom between every clas period so every time i have to see myself compared to them and then hear them say "omg im so ugly" or "my hairs so flat today" and like i know they are allowed to like be self concious too or like just comment stuff about themselves but its so tiering. i cant walk properly in the hallways because i feel too tense and overthink how to walk wayy too much. i like compulsivly run my hands through my hair, espcially when im nervous, and ik it probably looks weird bc i do it so much but it stopped being about fixing my hair and now its like somthing i need to do otherwise i will get too tense or smthn it just feels horribly uncomfertable if i dont do it when i need to. so anyways I've noticed that whenever I wake up I'm in a certain mood and that will be my mood for the day almost no matter what. like it could be a pretty good day but if I wake up in a bad mood it might be ruined. like, its not even what other people do or what happening in my life, I have NO REASON to be sad enough to want to kill myself. now right now I don't want to but what's kinda weird is two days ago I was literally planning it, like my mood changes so fast. I have trouble planning things because I never know what mood I will be in, and so it ruins my productivity and I literally have to like wait for a feel good day because i litterally cannot concentrate on anything. i skip meals alot too, but never because i think im fat i know i dont have like anorexia or somthing like that but even if im like REALLY hungry and i have food that would not be that bad if i have to like get up to get it or ask for somthing, ill just choose to starve. like and other times ill have food and i just wont want to eat it. i feel like if i acc want to eat a decent meal i need to enjoy the food, and if im just eating because im hungry i wont eat. the problem is i just end up fasting till the end of the schoolday after eating nothing at all. like i will acc go an entire day with no food, and just eat dinner when i get home. idk if im just lazy or picky or somthing but my friends kinda commented on it and i was wondering if i should be like, worried about it? because i know running off of no food all day cant be good for you, but i feel like i have to like force myself to eat somtimes. i honestly kinda enjoy the feeling of being hungry at this point? like idk what that means but like i would prefer that to being full. another thing is i feel like even when i eat like a ton of food i never get full? like i feel hungrier after somtimes. i think that might be why i prefer to starve instead of eat and feel hungrier too ig. besides food, i will straight up ignor homeowork i know im gonna get in serious trouble for not doing, and that honestly seems kinda normal but i feel like alot of times i will just choose to suffer even if its a super easy fix to make myself feel better. so ive been wondering if maybe the reason i dont get better is because its not anything around me i need to fix, its because im constantly sabatoging myself. i was curious what you guys would think, becuase i honestly dont know where to go from here. im not like sad right now but my life is very reppetative and i know there are so many things i could do to make it better but i just dont. i really hope im not just lazy but if you think i am please give advice idk whats going on😭. so anyways thanks for reading this huge rant

So a quick story is we have been trying to have a baby for 3 years. 1st year ibhad 2 chemical pregnancies. 2nd year was completely NOTHING but depression. 3rd year i got pregnant but lost our baby at 4 months. Three months after that (we pretty much stopped trying so hard), i got pregnant and now she’s almost 1 year old. I’m extremely happy to get that straight.

Me and my boyfriend both worked abroad. We agreed that i go back to our home country and raise our baby there, at my parents’ side since im an only child, we both kinda think they’ll want to be with their granddaughter. So when i went home, gave birth and everything, my bf provided everything. My pregnancy was even high risk cos i am of age (37years old), had history, even had gestational diabetes, he was even the one buying medicine for my father. My father got sick when i was abroad and they all told me he was fine but he wasnt really. He would yell at me, curse me, curse my bf and one time he cursed the baby i talked back to him that’s when he hit me while carrying the baby. So i just never spoke to him to keep things quiet. But everyday he would do house repairs, move furnitures that would wale the baby up and when the baby was up he would start cursing again which i just ignored. But after some time, of course tension would build up. He ended up cursing at me again and my bf, so i talked back to him. And it didnt go well. He tried to hit me with a metal pipe, and with his yelling my baby was crying. He threw me out. I lived with my cousin for 10 days and my bf came home and took us with him to his parents house (he has a house already but isnt ready yet). After a month of vacation, he has to go back to work abroad. So im left with his family. His family is fine towards me. But the problem is the place. It’s extremely dirty. They have neglected cats and dogs. My own 2 cats even had fleas infestation even though they never left the room because of the place. Nobody wants to clean, everywhere is pee and poo and puke of cats, dogs, chicks. The house is old but is also neglected since nobody likes cleaning. A simple i want to wash my face turns into cleaning the sink cos there’s a poo in it and my baby will use that sink later. Even the human bathroom is worse than public bathroom. There’s dog pee in it, there’s cat poo in it. The house is insect infested. Mosquitoes, roaches, flies, and i am extremely scared of roaches. I cant let my baby touch anything cos she puts everything in her mouth. Our room is clean, i make sure i clean it everyday but out our room is a whole different place. I cant clean the place otherwise who’ll watch over the baby? So sometimes, we just stay in our room with my cats. People in their house, if you tell then to watch or clean up after their pets they get angry. They “love” animals. But as for me love animals is way different than being responsible and really loving an animal.

I was supposed to stay here with the baby and our cats (who we even flew home from abroad). But because things didnt turn out as we planned especially from my side. We talked of going back abroad but it’ll be REALLY costly.

Me and bf fight or argue everyday. I already had depression from past abusive boyfriend. Now my own father who disowned me, that includes the entire family cos noone ever stood up against him EVER. Just me. Their place is depressing. I am post partum. Our baby is really hard to look after. And i am telling myself now that i need to be more understanding of him. That every argument is my fault cos i am ranting to him everyday. But in the back of my head, what about me? I am having a difficult time too, sooooo difficult. Am i wrong to be ranting so much? I want my feelings out cos i am having suicidal thoughts again or just dream or pray to die everyday. I cry waking up. I cry before sleeping. I am praying when i sleep i hope i dont wake up anymore cos i just want every single fear, tiredness, pain or worry to end.

Where do I start?

There are a lot of people that say they "have no one". I have no one. The only person I ever talk to is my alcoholic ex-spouse.

No friends.

No coworkers.

Nothing.

I had some legal issues that started a few years back. The drama around that (with the fans flamed by the ex - we were still 'together' at the time) caused anyone that I hung out with to fully cut me off.

I ended up spending a bit of time on a grippy sock vacation in the psych ward.

No one called.

No one reached out.

Nothing.

Crickets.

I spent the last 2 or so years still living with the ex, still trying to deal with their issues, burying mine, with no support.

I spent my entire life supporting everyone else - parents (even as a child), spouse, volunteering, etc.

I spent my entire adult life trying to better myself. I wanted to be able to provide better than my parents were able to. I achieved that. I was the first in my family, even extended family, to graduate college. Then a master's degree. Then nearly 20 years at the same organization, working my way up through to a trusted mid-level manager with a six figure salary.

Fast-forward.

The legal issue came to a head. I made a big mistake. Once.

I've heard that we shouldn't be defined by our biggest mistake. We can't ignore the good. We can't label someone based solely on one point in time, one event, one moment...good or bad. Seems like people like to say that to make themselves feel good. They don't apply it to others.

Maybe, someone does.

But I cannot find or even try to find that someone.

Due to the legal situation, I lost my job, I'm struggling to find one.

I have about 4-5 months that I'll be able to still financially support myself.

I have so many restrictions.

Places I can't go.

Things I can't do.

I can't go to places where adults usually gather (because they serve alcohol). I can't go to places that don't serve alcohol because there are kids present.

I have nothing.

I have no way to find support.

I just exist.

That's it. Existence. Nothing more.

I really wish I wasn’t sick. That people didn’t look at me as if I was a lost cause. That people didn’t have to worry about upsetting me, or think that I do things because I feel like I have to. I wish people didn’t walk on eggshells around me or feel the need to ask me a bunch of questions about my feelings. I wish people could realize that sometimes I do nice things because I want to, not out of obligation. I wish I didn’t hate silence around everyone but one person. But alas, I’m stuck with a brain that halfway works and the emotional range of a football field.

Hey everyone, I’m not usually one to air my personal stuff, but I really need some advice here. For the past few months, I’ve had this gut feeling that my wife might be cheating on me, and it's eating me alive. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but the signs are starting to pile up, and I’m just not sure what to do.

It all started when she began staying late at work more often. At first, I didn’t think much of it—she’s always been dedicated to her job. But then, she became super protective of her phone. She used to leave it lying around, but now she keeps it close and seems to be on it all the time, even at odd hours. And when I casually ask about her day, her answers feel...vague? Like she’s hiding something.

Then there are the little things. She started dressing up more than usual, even just to “run errands” or meet friends. It’s almost like she’s trying to impress someone. I’ve tried to brush it off, telling myself I’m being paranoid, but every time I bring it up, she gets defensive or says I’m just being insecure. It makes me feel like maybe I’m overthinking, but part of me feels like my concerns are valid.

To make things worse, I found a receipt for a fancy dinner that she said was a "work thing," but I know her company usually doesn’t do dinners like that. I keep second-guessing myself, and now I’m stuck in this loop of anxiety. I don’t want to accuse her without solid proof, but I also can’t keep living in this uncertainty.

So here I am, asking for advice. Has anyone else been through this? How do you confront someone you love without it turning into a huge fight? Should I even bring it up again, or am I just being paranoid? Any advice would be appreciated—I feel like I’m losing my mind here.

For the longest time, I’ve been stuck in this cycle of excuses. I’d wake up every morning telling myself I’d make changes, that today would be different, but by the time the day ended, I was back to square one. Whether it’s eating healthier, exercising, or even just cleaning my space, I keep putting it off. I’d tell myself, "I’ll start tomorrow," but tomorrow never seems to come.

Yesterday was my breaking point. I was scrolling through social media and saw an old friend post about running their first marathon. I remember how we used to run together, how much I loved it back then. And now? I can’t even jog up the stairs without feeling winded. It hit me like a ton of bricks—what am I even doing with my life? Why do I keep finding reasons to avoid what I know I need to do?

I looked around my apartment after that. Clothes piled up on the floor, dishes in the sink from who-knows-how-many days ago, and a gym membership card collecting dust on the counter. That’s when it finally clicked—it’s time to stop. It’s time to stop avoiding the hard stuff, time to stop pretending everything will fix itself, and time to stop being my own worst enemy.

I don’t have a perfect plan yet, and honestly, I’m scared I’ll slip back into my old habits. But I know I can’t keep going like this. If I don’t make a change now, when will I? Maybe writing this out will help me stay accountable. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you’re feeling stuck too, maybe it’s time to stop and take the first step. We’ve got this.

I've come to the harsh realization that perhaps, I'm not the nicest person around. In my mid-thirties, I find myself surrounded only by a single friend and a girlfriend, yet I can't shake the feeling that I'm somehow superior to others. My lifestyle is quite reclusive; I shy away from any social gatherings related to work, and most of my routine revolves around my job, hitting the gym, smoking weed, and cycling. Traveling and cycling in the forest are my escapes, the rare times I don't feel swamped by depression.

Interacting with people, especially in groups, is a daunting task for me. The fear of turning red-faced and being judged negatively is always lurking. Thus, I avoid such situations altogether. There's a worrisome intensity in the way I live; I indulge too often in alcohol or getting high, viewing people merely as elements that enhance my own existence. My eyes wander too freely, admiring every attractive woman I come across, often blatantly flirting in the presence of my girlfriend. Even though these thoughts are never vocalized, I often catch myself belittling others or feeling utter disdain towards them internally.

I confess to being a staunch atheist, holding a disdainful view towards those who are spiritually inclined, believing myself to be smarter, better-looking, and stronger. The resentment builds whenever I see someone possessing what I desire, although I manage to keep this anger bottled up within.

Dominating these emotions is a profound sense of isolation, mixed oddly with a perverse comfort in wallowing in my misery. Sometimes, hurting my own feelings seems like a twisted form of pleasure, perhaps because it means feeling something at all.

My family background does little to lighten my outlook. My brother lives with the dark shadow of being a murderer and a former heroin addict. My father was a violent man, devoid of emotions, who ultimately took his own life. My mother, afflicted by illness so severe that she has been bedridden since my childhood, sparks a guilt within me for not taking care of her. However, I've chosen a path of self-preservation as dedicating myself to her care would consume my own existence entirely.

This life I've crafted for myself is one I despise, yet a part of me feels I shouldn't. With a good education, a well-paying job, and an undeniable appeal to women, I should feel fulfilled. Instead, I’m left feeling empty and, frankly, disgusted with myself for sounding like a self-pitying fool. What the hell is wrong with me?

Despite my efforts not to belittle others overtly, the impression that people don’t like me is hard to shake off. Loneliness is a constant companion.

If I were to join a reality show, my character might be polarizing. Would the audience appreciate my brutally honest introspections, or would they be repelled by my self-confessed arrogance and emotional detachment? It's intriguing yet terrifying to ponder how my persona would unfold under the constant scrutiny of cameras and a public audience.

I chose the friendship stories category but yeah it's related to friendship, love, family, work... I am like that.

Got lots of love to give but no one wants to have it. They want the toxic ones.

I grew up in a very religious family where our faith has always guided our lives and choices. The teachings I’ve known my whole life tell me that being gay is wrong, and yet, I feel these undeniable attractions that make me question everything. I’ve tried to push it down, to change, to pray it away, but it’s always there, a part of me I can’t ignore.

I don’t know how to reconcile my beliefs with who I am. It feels like every day, I’m torn between two worlds: the expectations of my family and faith, and the reality of my own heart. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Is this something I can change, or should I even try? I’ve heard so many opinions, but deep down, I just want to know if I can truly be at peace with both my faith and myself.

If anyone has gone through something similar, or if you have advice, I’d really appreciate hearing from you. I feel so lost and alone in this struggle, and I just need someone to help me see a way through this.